writing doodle - the job description

I remember looking at the list that the previous employee left for me before I took the job.  Pretty handy that she made such an extensive list.  Too bad she wasn't here to explain the finer points of the job, but such is life.

Every day is the same.  Remember consistency in training is key to maintaining balance and quality of life.


Perch on the top ledge of the living room sofa and will the neighborhood cats to cross onto my property.


Shed profusely in rooms recently vacuumed.


Bark prolifically at said cats until they go back to their own side of the street.


Rinse and repeat four more times.  The contract initially stated we would do this six times per day, but it was amended when I started to have vision problems.


Lay in front of the front door so I can be the first one to greet my human when he comes in from work.  Look for a pair of his shoes to sully if he is late and doesn't call.

Look pathetic in front of food bowl until said human fills it with canned tuna and dry kibble.  Sniff and ignore if he is begins to cook.


Join cooking efforts by sitting in front of the stove and blocking access to pots, pans, and washing up liquid.

Drag leash from hiding place approximately two hours after he has eaten and demand half-hour walk.


Should summons for walk be ignored, drag used underwear from laundry basket and destroy in front of him.


Take three-quarters of pillows for personal use at bed time.


Snuggle with human until he begins to snore.  Go to quiet spot and get quality shut eye.