writing doodle - as yet untitled - Gabe

example of not a free reign

So, it has been a bit since I've let the muse have reign ... don't know where this is headed ... but does it really matter?

~~~~~~~~~~~

I gently cupped her face and stroked her cheek.  Her brown eyes made me want to stay with her and cuddle, and I never, ever cuddle.  She leaned into my hand and breathed deeply as if in attempt to make her point.  She wanted to be with me and wasn’t shy about letting me know. 

“Sugar, you have to remember what I said.  Right?”  I searched her eyes to see if she understood what I said.  It was obvious she didn’t so I continued.  “I told you I really didn’t want a relationship. I’m just not in a place where I can do that right now.” I didn’t want any kind of relationship, serious or casual.  Why did everyone I knew go for that like it was the brass ring?  When did my friends all decide that monogamy and marriage were important? Whatever happened to variety? Choices? Freedom? Sewing wild oats? Hell, most of them gave up oats because they were all on God damned low carb diets so they could impress women with their six-packs; that a lot of them had their six-packs well hidden beneath pony keg of blubber was beside the point. 

Still nothing.  Not a sound.  Just a fucking look of hope mingled with what could otherwise be mistaken for love or possibly adoration.  My eye twitched.  I didn’t have time or desire for love and now wasn’t a good time to start something with consequences.  The redhead before me had already had consequences, bad ones and long reaching.  The price was high and I didn’t want to pay it.  Not today.  Not now.  Not for her.  Maybe in a couple of years, or in another decade.  Maybe. 

How did I find myself in this mess?  Easy.  My best friend’s wife, Jessie, is the one put me in this position, and payback was going to be hell.  Not only had she put me in this position, but she was behind me pushing, goading me into spending more time with the petite redhead before me.

“I don’t have the time,” I said.  This time I hoped that both of them were listening.  “There’s someone who will fill all of your needs. I’m sure of it.” I dropped my hand to my side and started to walk away.

Jessie grabbed my wrist stop me from leaving the room and said, “Gabe, you sound just like Manny before.  Always time and energy to sleep around.  Never time to get serious about anyone.”  She glared at me, then she glared at her husband.  “Manny, you tell him that this will complete him.”

“Honey, this isn’t some lame romantic comedy and it sure the hell isn’t a remake of Jerry McGuire,” he said.  Thank you very much for intervening, even if it isn’t enough and he wasn’t sounding convincing even to me.  “He gets to make up his own mind about adopting your sister’s Gordon setter.  Besides, he doesn’t even especially like dogs.”

Nope.  I’ve never felt the need to trap anyone into a relationship with me: female, animal, or mineral. It didn’t mean that I haven’t done the whole commitment thing in the past.  I’ve been married and more than once.  As they used to say, “Been there, done that.” Well, I’ve been there, done that, own the t-shirt, and had it so long there are holes in the seams and you can barely read what was written on the front: Chump.  At the present moment, I preferred to be monogamous one night and one woman at a time.  Nothing beyond the disposal of the condom and cab fare home.  Once in a while, breakfast at her place, never at mine. 

This.  This was going to be something completely different.  This reeked of what my last wife wanted: regular meals together, routine, jewelry from time to time, and snuggling in bed – with her.

“Come on, Gabe. After I fixed you up with Adele and you both had a miserable time, you gave me a list of what you said  you wanted.  This is the perfect compromise.”

Before Jessie, bless her meddling little heart, could tick off the list, I did it for her.  I even counted off the points on my fingers so she knew I’d paid attention to what I’d said to her.  For all of the times she has tuned me out in the past, this one time she had to not only listen but take notes.  “Healthy, a natural beauty, meaning no botox, silicone, or hair dye; an athlete who also likes to hunt and fish, and a girl who won’t be spending huge amounts of money on trivial bullshit.”

“All of her shots are current.”

Perfect.

“She won’t control the remote, whine about a bad hair day, talk incessantly about her cramps, argue politics or money with you,” she said.

“Sweetie, you’re laying it on a little thick.” Thank you, Manny.  “This is a lifetime commitment and he doesn’t have to do this.”

The dog in question, bumped her head beneath my hand and looked up at me.  Her eyes were pleading and my defenses started to drop.

“Trial period?” I asked. The answer I wanted was a definite no so I could walk away with no guilt and nothing hanging over my head.

“Sure.  If things don’t work out, I’ll adopt her.”

Damn.  I might have believed Jessie if I hadn’t see her hand move behind her back and notice that she crossed her fingers.

“Tell me again why your sister can’t keep her,” I asked.  Nothing had been spelled out and I deserved to know, at a minimum, if there was a big problem that no one had thought to tell me about. 

Manny took a deep breath and said, “Denise has three kids under the age of five. And she’s pregnant.”

I might have made a different decision if I had asked if Denise was pregnant or if the dog was.  Turns out it was the dog.