writing doodle - as yet untitled - misc spot

"There's only room for one bitch in my bed." I cringed as I said the words.  But I meant them.  Despite the fact that Audrey was fun to go to a game with or fun to play games with, she was flighty, ditzy, and didn't listen.  Ever.  I tried for two weeks to gently break to her that our non-exclusive relationship was not only going to remain that way, but that we were no longer even close enough to be non-exclusive. Considering I only knew her for three weeks, this disentanglement was excessively long, even for me.  "And you're not the bitch I want in my bed."

"What's she got that I haven't got?" Audrey asked.  "Gabe, I'm waiting."

She pouted, stomped her feet, and her boobs jiggled.  Usually the jiggle could turn the tide in her direction, but I was going to remain firm.  Not that she couldn't get me firm, but well, you know what I mean.  Resolute.  That's it.  I was going to remain resolute.  Both me and my Johnson.  Not a problem.  If only she'd worn a bra when she was stamping her feet, it would have been easier to remain firm.  I mean resolute. Decided.  Determined.

"I can't afford the upkeep," I said.  Going into the non-relationship, non-commitment, I knew that much of Audrey had been enhanced, I just had no idea quite the degree until she asked me to kick in.  She said it was for my enjoyment and since I benefited, I should participate in the overall cost.  Fifty bucks wouldn't have bothered me; the cost of a decent meal and a couple of beers.  No big deal.  When the tally came to six hundred fifty dollars, my mouth went dry, my wallet snapped shut, and my penis shrank.  Three sizes.  Then she said it didn't include clothing, special lingerie, or toys, I about flipped.  Sure Toys for Tots at Christmas, no problem.  But why the hell does she need an Xbox anyway?

I am not now, nor have I ever been a tightwad when it comes to important things.  I helped my sister pay for daycare when she had to change jobs and took a paycut.  I bought my former mother-in-law tires for mother's day because "XXX look up the Michelin ad for this space" ... For Christmas I co-sponsored my nephew's Little League team.

"I can afford her upkeep."  No fancy gym membership.  No wardrobe to replace each season.  No hairdresser to send to Europe by my tips alone.  No fashion trends to watch or be quizzed on later.  Simple.  Easy.  Frugal.

"Right.  That's what they all say. What about?"

I needed to get a better line. Something more effective than ignoring her phone calls, selling my car, changing jobs, or moving.  I considered writing her a check to cover this month's beauty routine, but if I paid and didn't receive the benefits, why would I pay and not receive the benefits? Peace of mind.

"No.  It's been lovely.  But our time is over." I placed my hand on her head and forced it out of my car window.  "You know better than to violate the restraining order."

Red let her presence be known at that moment by placing her head on my shoulder and her paw in the middle of the steering wheel.

Could I do better than my Irish rose?  Probably, but the loyalty of my Irish setter was at that time priceless.