"So what do you do when you aren't at the dog park?" Bernard asked.
"When I have the time, I like to fix things and give them new life," I said. "I hadn't done it in a long time and am just now getting my feet wet again."
"Oooo. Sounds like fun," he said. "Tell me about how you got back into it."
So, as he delicately painted color onto tiny sections of my hair and encased them in foil, I started to talk. It was kind of like Old Faithful going off; things had built up and I hadn't said much to anyone at all about how inadequate I felt and continued to feel as a result.
"I had a man do that to me once," he said. "Rat bastard."
"Exactly."
"That's why my Tuna-girl is so important to me. She's my litmus test. If someone can't get along with my baby who will love me no matter what, well, they aren't worth my time. In fact, she has only approved of one man who has crossed my doorstep since I've owned her. He would have been a keeper, too." He sighed.
"What was the problem?"
"He was allergic to my baby and I couldn't get rid of her. She's three and she's been my rock through some rough breakups already."
Three years and multiple bad breakups? How long were his relationships? And how many is many?
"Are you still friends?"
"Yeah. But I can't live in the past. I have to keep looking forward. Do you have a test yet?"
"For a man? No. I haven't even thought about it." Louie would be a great test, but so far he's loved everybody.
"So what are your future plans?" he asked.
"Just a wedding." I closed my eyes.
"Sounds like fun. Who is getting married? Is it a theme wedding? I LOVE theme weddings."
"I don't really know much about it. I'm not wedding woman. I'd rather do almost anything else than go to a wedding." Even the one I had fantasized about. Sure I bought a designer dress, but I could never imagine anything beyond the basic justice of the peace and two witnesses from down the hall at City Hall. "Honeymoons sound like a lot more fun to plan."
"And attend," he said. "I'm not big on going to weddings either. Although I went to two theme weddings in a year and had the absolute best time!"
He told me all about the Elvis wedding his brother had about ten years ago. "Everyone was encouraged to go as Elvis. You could choose which Elvis you wanted to be! You could be Viva Las Vegas Elvis - complete with Cape and Native American jewelry. There was one man who went as 1968 Live From Hawaii Elvis, oh, he did the leather pants thing better than anyone I've ever seen before or after. And there was the one who showed off his official government badge, I don't remember what he was sworn in to do, but, baby, I would have liked to have taken a bite out of crime!"
"Was there peanut butter and banana for dinner or was it fried chicken?"
"I don't remember. All I do remember was when the beehive wig fell of the one and only Priscilla in attendance, it created quite a stir."
"Why do you remember it so well?"
"It was mine." He selected another strand of hair, examined it, rejected it and sectioned off another. "I don't want to put in too many highlights. Don't want this to look cheap."
Of course not. The more natural, the more expensive.
"Now about the wig. No one bought me for a second as Priscilla."
"Why?" He had a tall, slender build. Good cheek bones. And if he did his makeup just right, and there was enough distance, he might pass as a woman.
"I didn't have my beard or mustache shaved."
That would do it.
"Another fun wedding was Priscilla Queen of the Dessert."
"Wasn't that Priscilla Queen of the Desert?" I asked.
"The bride was a baker. Everyone wound up baking cookies and cupcakes at the reception," he said. "I gained about five pounds in one night."
I heard about weddings with a Renaissance Festival Theme. One where everyone had to go as their favorite politician, a massive fight broke out and the police had to be called. Then there was the one that had an Indian theme, Bernard thought it was Native American when it was more Bollywood.
"Do you have a date lined up for this one?" Bernard asked.
I didn't want to drag Chris and Vic to the wedding. I'd be a third wheel and it would just feel odd and I couldn't invite one without the other.
"Not yet." Maybe one of the guys on the crew? Didn't Marcella have a vendor somewhere who was single, straight and under 80?
"Sweetie, if I can find someone to watch Miss P for the evening, I'd go with you," he said. "I should check up on the lovebirds."
"Will you do my hair and makeup before hand?" I asked. "I just want to make sure I look good."
"You will be inspirational."
At the end of three hours, I finally faced the mirror.
Transformed?
You bet your sweet Aunt Franny I was transformed. Even though I never thought of myself as having Audrey Hepburn's doe eyes, this cut made me look so like her in the best possible ways. The cut was short, flirty, and could be done in about ten minutes and that was if it was a rainy day. Dry days this might take me about two minutes to towel dry.
"You know, we've got a little boutique," Bernard said. "You might find something sassy to go with the new look."
In the past I would have said that I couldn't. And it would have been true. Now there was no reason not to take a look and at least get some ideas.
After I paid at the reception desk and hid my sticker shock at just how much Bernard's time had been worth, I wandered to the boutique. If I'd gone into shock over the cost of color and a few highlights, I could have gone toes up at the prices for the little nothings at the boutiques. I did get some good ideas though.
I returned Louie home and found the consignment shop that catered to the Ladies Who Lunch.
```
tbc
word count 1083
No comments:
Post a Comment