For the past three hours, I
have been trying to get some sleep. There are several things going
against me, it is hot and I can't get comfortable, the dog won't share my
pillow, I am almost done crocheting a scarf for a friend (not that she needs one
in May - but still) and I keep hearing the song of Kokopelli.
The song is eerie,
simple, and makes me think of winter storms complete with wind battering
shutters on the side of the house and chili on the stove boiling over.
When the flute
plays, I am supposed to write - tired or not.
So I staggered
from the living room to the office, to find someone who somewhat resembles
Richard Griffiths of Harry Potter fame (he was Uncle Vernon), the Michellin
Man, and Mr. Clean.
"Thank you
for coming on such short notice," the man says. He plucked a hanky from
his inside jacket pocket and wiped the powdered sugar from the tips of his
fingers. After I shook his proffered hand, I accepted the handkerchief so
I could get rid of the surplus sugar lent to me.
"Not at
all," I said. "I wasn't doing anything important." I
was going to examine the inside of my eyelids, ensure that I had some beauty
sleep (with this past birthday, I need more and more shut eye so I can pretend
I am still in my 30s somewhere). "I'm afraid I didn't catch your
name."
"Adam
Zimmer," he said. "This way we can cover everything from A to
Zed, so to speak."
What all do we
need to cover? Why is it so important to do this now?
"I have an
idea for you, Alf. I want to become a recurring character."
"Funny since
I was going to kill you off in this story," I said, covering my mouth with
my fist so he couldn't see the yam that tried to escape. "It should
make Zero a great tragic hero. Help him get the girl."
"Get the
girl? You're going to cut me down in my prime so he can get a
girlfriend?"
"Pretty much,
yeah."
"Why can't
you give him some game? Let him take Manny's cast offs? What about
Lester's?"
"This is the
age of sexually communicable diseases," I said. "I think he should
go more than three paragraphs before he gets laid. At the minimum, I
don't want him to take up weight lifting so can lift a little black book."
"Alf, you are
incredibly out of date. there is no such thing as a little black book.
Think big. Think Smart Phone, iPhone, or tablet of some kind."
"Think he
doesn't trust technology, has had women check his phones for other contact
information, or is inept." Besides, I have been slow and technology
changes every 20 seconds and I don't want to write something that will be dated
before I am able to publish it somewhere. Yes, self-publishing is an
option, but for now, I want to at least finish a story line with my own
characters.
"What about
flashbacks?" he asked.
"I might be
able to give you flashbacks."
"How many
books?" He ran his liver spotted hand over his thin crown of hair.
"It should be in every book. I could be his muse. I
could be his conscious. I could be his-"
"Favorite
word?" I asked.
"What?"
"Favorite
word. What is your favorite word?" The patience in my voice was long
since gone and I could tell the first fantasy I wrote for Zero was a complete
night of uninterrupted sleep.
“Fine. My favorite word is
plush.”
I could work with that.
Good. “Least favorite word?”
“Dysfunction.” He didn’t meet my eyes.
“No need to elaborate.” I
turned over the sheet of paper over and began to scrawl on the other side. “What
turns you on?”
“Viagra,” he said, “but if you tell anyone else I said that, I am
going to deny it to the walls.”
“Fine.”
“What turns you off?”
He glared at me. “No, I’m
not answering that.”
“Just tell me the first thing that comes to mind. What turns you off?”
“The need for Viagra.”
Eww. Not just too much
information, but way too much information.
“I’d like to go back to bed,” I said. “Right now I’m not in a good place to take
notes or dictation.” Nor was I in a good position to get details of his life
other than just that one aspect. “Can we pick this up tomorrow?”
The old man blew out a sigh.
“I have plans at the urologist tomorrow morning. How about sometime
after lunch?”
“Done.”
“Thanks, Alf. You are a
true gentleman.”
Great.
TBC
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