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9/18/2015

so it's been a while ... sorry about that ...why a bra is better than a man - the beginning

Well, it has been more than a little while since I've updated.  Writing is kind of like going to the gym ... you don't realize just how many muscles you do or don't use until you don't do it for a long, long time.  This has hurt, but in a good way.  It is just a beginning to make sure I didn't break something too important because we all know that November is coming.

~~~~~

“Babe.”

I, Stephanie Plum, consider myself to be multi-lingual. I speak English, naturally. A smattering of Italian, courtesy of the neighborhood and a fondness for the world’s most perfect food, pizza. Bergese, not necessarily a language per se, but it could be one. Come one, everyone who is raised in an Italian American home that is in the berg speaks Bergese; it is commonly known as guilt.  It is a combination of body language, tone of voice, sighs, and a lack of words. The lack of words provide the context of what I haven’t been doing lately of which I should feel guilty: no husband, a job no one really approved of, and no big plan for either one in the foreseeable future.

My final language is Babe,  the single word that had so many meanings: good, bad, sexy, impatient, unruffled, and always me.  I have been the recipient of long and complex salutations from Ranger Manoso.  Ranger is a man of few words.  Much like Bergese, it is a combination of understanding the body language, the tone, the inflection, and the incredibly short sentence structure. Why waste an entire sentence when a single look sometimes combined with a solitary word would suffice?  Plus, each word out of his mouth seemed to fill the room with pheromones or hormones that short circuited most of the brains of the female of the species. When we first met, I either babbled constantly or was left mostly mute.  Now, I still babbled but I could mostly control my own thoughts.

I glanced up from the list I was composing to notice he was leaning against my kitchen counter, arms and legs crossed, and a slight upturn of his lips. Tonight was different, he wasn’t in either basic black or some form of cammo. Ranger was in jeans, the well worn and painted on kind. The white, lightly striped oxford shirt set off his light chocolate coloring.  I am sure others might think he had mocha latte colored skin, I preferred to think of it as the color o a Snickers bar, fresh from the freezer. You know, not quite milk chocolate but yummy and delicious all the same. Yummy but full of not always great consequences and dangerous to those who should leave such things alone. Me? He wasn’t dangerous to me, much.  Sure, we had had our night a long time ago. And, yes, he had ruined me for other men, especially Joe Morelli, but my wounds had been licked and I had mostly healed.

He quirked his eyebrow. As a kid, I spent hours in the mirror trying to both quirk my eyebrows and wiggle my ears. I could manipulate my ears just a fraction not so anyone else would notice. The eyebrow thing? Not so much. I usually looked more startled than curious. I would have better luck stenciling an eyebrow that way, but then I’d always look lopsided and a bit deranged.  Then again, a bit deranged wasn't necessarily a bad thing. I am a bounty hunter and it wasn't necessarily a bad thing to look intimidating.  

“Yo,” I said.  Hey, two could play trade long, elegant nonsequitirs. Besides, I was in the middle of a project. A list. A possibly life changing list. The list wasn't for or about me, it was for my sister Valerie’s daughters. I immediately lowered my head to the notebook page and bounced my pen on it to clarify my thoughts.

“Why is a bra better than a man?” he asked.

Ranger is silent and stealthy like a cat. I hadn’t heard him come behind me so he could read over my shoulder.

I covered the list with my arms, looked up and glared at him. Val’s daughters were getting to the age when they were going to know the facts of life sooner than later, not that I was planning on having that talk with them. But I could put my vast knowledge from my past career as a lingerie buyer to good use by explaining the finer points to them.  

“Exactly why are you here,” I asked asI shot a look at my watch, “At five-thirty?” Was he after a favor? Usually if he wanted a favor it was in the form of a distraction and he showed up after nine, sometimes ten o’clock. Was he bored? Was he lonely? Nah. This was Ranger, he was never bored and from what he had told me about his family he would probably never be lonely.

“Dinner? It’s been a while.”

“I don’t know about you, but I had dinner just last night.  I even had it the night before.” Once dinner might have been construed to mean the prelude to a possible something. It had been so long since we had been alone together in a situation that might have been misconstrued as a date that it was probably the prelude to a work discussion.

“You know you’ve got to eat.” He took the three steps from my kitchen table to the refrigerator, opened it, and shook his head. “Your hamster could starve to death on what you keep in here.”

Two whole sentences and one was an attempt at humor.  Something was either very wrong or possibly very right.



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